So I Went for My First Bike Ride Outside This Year . . .

This weekend, I participated in my second Tour de Pork, my first ride outside since a triathlon in eTown.  After a hellish hill near mile 20, I got a flat tire.  I wasted a c02 cartridge because I thought I’d just run low on air.  But that wasn’t the case because it turned out I ran over broken glass.  So I removed the tire, took out the old tube, checked for more glass particles and proceeded to waste c02 cartridge #2 by prematurely piercing the seal.

Fucker.

I couldn’t connect the mini-pump I had to the valve.  WTF?  It came with the kit and proved to be completely useless.  I was on record time!  I hadn’t changed a tire in less than 20 minutes!  My friend Karen was watching me and I was showing her how to put the tube on without trapping it between the tire bead and the rim when putting it all together.  She was going to call our friend Steve to come and pick us up but I told her to hold on.  She gave me her only c02 cartridge and BOOOOOOOM!!!  An essssplosion so big, the force blew off my bracelet.  I’d, um, trapped the tube between the tire bead and the rim.

After laughing for about 5 minutes, Karen looks straight at me and deadpans “I’m calling Steve.”  Her delivery was hysterical and I just crack up again.

While we wait for him, we heard a rifle.  Then more shots.  Okay.  Yes.  Calling Steve was a good move.

I’m happy with my 20 miles.  I wish I made it to 26 but considering there was either high humidity or rain coming down the first hour, the 16-17ish mph we were averaging on the straightaways coupled with the practically 0.0mph on some hellish hills were good enough for me. Since I’ve been stationary cycling with almost 0 resistance, this is a win.

There were 8 of us who made it to the event but 5 finished.  Looking at the picture, seems there’s an unwritten minimum height to finish the Tour.  But I still endorse the fundraiser!

It's not that my companions are giants ...

It’s not that my companions are giants …

I’m in the pig jersey.  I’m still working on losing all the weight I gained since not being able to run but there’s not much I can do to combat derp face.  The back of the jersey says ‘I never met a hill I can’t walk up with my bike’ or something like that.  I need a new one since I managed to get grease all over it failing at changing my back tire.

It could have been way worse.  Poor friend of ours in pink, second from the left, she never made it to the course because of a freak accident when she was walking her bike from the parking lot.  Worried she was going too slowly, she moved to the side to get out of people’s way and accidentally stepped on her tire, twisting her leg and sending her slightly down a slanted grassy bank.  She thought she had a goose egg to the side of her knee.  It turned out to be a bad break requiring surgery.  What she described after her diagnosis sounded like a tibial plateau fracture.  What she thought was a goose egg was bone trying to protrude from her skin.  ACK!

We got together and bought her a bottle of Lost My Mind wine from Turtle Run Winery.  It’s a sweet, light wine and the name of it seemed just so appropriate.  At the time we bought the wine, she was at an immediate care center and was told it was a hematoma.  Then the staff came back and said it was a break and that she’d have to see an orthopedic surgeon which didn’t happen until Tuesday.  If I had to go back, I wish I could’ve taken her to an ER and maybe the whole process would’ve gone much, much faster.

It sucks she’ll be known as That Lady Who Didn’t Make It To The Start for this event.  But knowing her, she’ll probably have a t-shirt to wear in 2014 that says on the back “I’m that lady who fell in the parking lot  . . . and I’m passing you up!”

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